


can't wait to be normal, right after this weekend

by macabrekawaii



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Butt Chugging, Dick Grayson is pure sexual chaos, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Intoxication, Just mind the tags OKAY, M/M, Oviposition, Please don't judge me, and he gets absolutely shitfaced in this, but everything is very consensual he definitely preconsents, this is a nightmare have fun kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabrekawaii/pseuds/macabrekawaii
Summary: Jason uses an ovipositor toy to put jello shots up Dick's butt. It's what it says on the tin people.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd
Comments: 7
Kudos: 132





	can't wait to be normal, right after this weekend

**Author's Note:**

> I've lost control of my life, okay?
> 
> Title is from "Last Hurrah" by Bebe Rexha, because even the trashiest fic deserves a song. This is basically a whole ass nightmare bender so..... yeah. It's my anthem for writing fucked up shit anyway cuz I'm always like okay okay this is it the worst thing I will ever write and then I just.... do something worse. 
> 
> _I know I've said it all before  
>  But it won't hurt to do it all once more_  
> 
> 
> Can't stop won't stop baybeeeee

“Stop squirming already.” Jason has one hand on Dick’s lower back, trying to hold his partner steady as he eases the first gelatinous egg inside him, the long silicone tube of the ovipositor pushed as deep as it will go into Dick’s lithe form, which is about halfway down. “This was your fucking idea the least you can do is let me fucking do it.”

  
Dick’s panting hard, his forehead down against the mattress, ass raised high to let Jason have access for what he wants. “I’m letting you, I’m letting you alright.” Dick’s got his arms behind him, a hand on either of his plush ass cheeks, pulling at them to hold himself as open as he can.

He’s so drunk already, both of them are really if Jason’s being honest with himself. How else would he have found himself here, looming over Dick’s shaking body, splorping what are essentially jello shots up his boyfriend’s ass.  
  
\--  
  
Dick had asked Jason to come over, that he had _something he_ _wanted to try_ which meant either something involving his flexibility or something heinous that he ordered on the internet. Dick plied him with a few drinks first, the two of them falling into an easy and familiar liminal space of languid makeouts on the couch intermixed with a few haphazard barely-a-cocktail of just enough mixer to hide the straight booze.  
  
“So I had an idea.” Dick grinned, devious and adorable, cheeks dimpling with it, and Jason knew he was in for a fucking wild ride tonight one way or another.

  
“Yeah, so you said. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours tonight, Dickie?”

  
“Not just tonight Jay, this required planning.”

  
“Oh I wasn’t even kept in the loop huh?”

  
“I wanted to surprise you.” Dick slammed back the rest of his drink and headed into his kitchen.

  
“I hate surprises.” Jason called after him and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, something he knows Dick can’t stand. Jason could hear some shuffling around, the sound of the fridge being opened and closed.

  
Dick came back a few moments later with what looks like a very oddly shaped ice cube tray and something tucked under his arm.  
“Okay, so—”

“Richard Cocksucker Grayson what in fresh hell are you holding?”

  
“That’s not my middle name and you know it.” Dick blushed a bit and sets down the largest and strangest looking sex toy Jason has ever been blessed and or cursed to gaze upon.

  
“Sorry, I apologize. My bad. Richard Johnsonsucker Grayson. What the fuck?”

  
“Close enough. Jay, babe, how do you feel about filling my ass with jello shots.”

  
“You are so lucky you’re cute. And you are so lucky I am so goddamn nice.”

  
“So,” Dick continued, unphased by Jason’s bullshit, “this is an ovipositor, and you use it to put gelatin eggs inside me. And I made a bunch that have vodka in them.”

  
“Can I eat them?” Jason grabbed the ice-cube-looking tray from Dick and popped it open. Inside were a bunch of egg-shaped translucent things.

  
“This is the first thing you ask? Can you eat them?”

  
“Yeah, can I eat them?”

  
“I mean you can, but they won’t taste very nice. It’s just plain gelatin with a little vodka.”

  
“What, darling Robin doesn’t want me chowing down on his fancy little eggs?”

  
Dick swiped his hand through his hair and looked like he was about to say something, thought better of it, and joined Jason back on the couch. He sat for a moment, kind of staring into the middle distance. There’s a long pause, longer than feels comfortable, before Dick spoke again.

  
“If I laid eggs you’d eat them wouldn’t you?”

  
“Dickiebird I am not fucked up enough for this.”

  
Dick picked up the sex toy, a long, thick tube with tendrils at its base, and stroked his delicate fingers across it’s menacing rim.

  
“So you want me to cram this fuck tube up your ass and push the jello shots in?” Jason tried to make it sound as straightforward as possible. He was good at tactical planning, good at triangulating bullet angles and headshots and plotting all manner of unseemly things. Okay, so, his boyfriend wanted him to fill his ass with gelatin eggs made with vodka. He’s done a lot worse. “This some bullshit you pulled off the internet?”

  
“It’s called hentai and it’s art,” Dick hissed. 

  
Jason had downed another shot, probably more like six shots, straight from the bottle of nearby vodka, never breaking eye contact with Dick as he chugged. He was not going to be sober for this, god help him.

  
“When do we begin baby?”  
\--  
  
So it was that Jason now finds himself three fingers deep inside one very aroused Dick Grayson, both of them nearly three sheets to the wind. Jason’s probably a bit ahead of Dick, having downed as much vodka as possible prior to beginning this descent into madness, but if all things went as planned, Dick would catch up soon enough. Jason feels loose and light, the heat of the drinks pooling in his belly alongside his own arousal, feels like he could take on anything. Which is a good thing when he has his hand buried inside his boyfriend who very much wants a bunch of eggs crammed inside him. Jason dribbles a bit more lube across his knuckles and slides a fourth finger in. Dick moans loud, unabashed.

  
“You ready for whatever the fuck this is, Dickiebird?”

  
“Give it to me.” Dick pants more than speaks, pushes back on Jason’s hand. Jason debates slipping in his thumb, slipping in his whole hand. Instead, Jason grabs the toy, already loaded with three eggs inside it, and presses it to Dick’s entrance.

  
“Alright I’m gonna—”

  
Dick pushes himself back, all but impaling himself on the toy, before Jason can finish what he’s saying. Dick gasps as it breeches him but doesn’t seem otherwise uncomfortable. Jason presses it against him, lets Dick fuck himself down on it until it’s about halfway inside him.

“Stop squirming already. This was your fucking idea the least you can do is let me fucking do it.”

“I’m letting you, I’m letting you alright.”

  
“Ffffffuck.” Jason groans, watching Dick fuck himself on the massive toy. “You really want this don’t you?”

  
“I saw this… online… itlookedsohot” Dick’s words slur together as Jason pushes in the first egg. Jason squeezes the sides of the toy, can feel the hardened gelatin pop up out of the tube of silicone.

  
“Baby I know you saw this online, we've been over this, where the fuck else did you watch this, the History Channel?”

  
“Gimme more.” Dick’s rocking himself back and forth as best he can while holding himself open. He makes soft, needy whines, growls against the mattress low in his throat.

  
Jason obliges and runs his hand against the length of the toy again, pushing up the second egg inside it. Dick doesn’t stop rocking, trying to take as much of the toy inside him as he can, blocked only by its sheer incredible girth. Jason sucks in a breath as he feels the egg move up into Dick, feels the toy inch further inside him. Dick’s hole clenches and drags the toy in more, lubricant seeping out at the edges, dribbling down Dick’s thighs.

  
The sound is obscene, just absolutely lurid from the deepest pits of whatever sexual hell incubi and Nyarlathotep reside. There’s a wet squelch as the egg slips into Dick’s body, a kind of muffled splat Jason feels reverberate throughout his body. He’s naked too, sure, but he hasn’t really been _interested_ in more than making Dick feel good, taking him through whatever fucked up fantasy he’s trying for. But damn if Jason was not hard as ever from that sound alongside the utter screech Dick lets out at being filled.

  
“How’s it feel, Dick? How’s it feel getting filled up?”

  
“It’s so good fuck it’s so fucking good fuck hhhnggh fuck fffffffffff.” Dick is clearly going incoherent from lust, alcohol, and having his every whim catered to as usual.

  
Jason reaches down and strokes himself with one hand, holding up the toy with the other. Below him, Dick is writhing and moaning, pushing himself onto the toy, fucking himself onto it with abandon.  
“There’s one more you want one more baby?”

  
Dick doesn’t answer, just whines again, loud this time, and pushes back. Jason repeats the process, easing the egg up through the tube and into Dick. Once he feels it release, he pulls the toy out. Dick cries a bit at the loss and Jason sucks his teeth at the sight of Dick’s hole fluttering, clenching down against nothing.

  
“You with me baby?” Jason rubs his free hand against Dick’s lower back as Dick moves his own hands onto the bed, cradling his head in his arms. “Can I fuck you?”

  
Dick is long gone, makes a muffled mm-hmmm noise and then lowers himself a bit, splays his legs a little wider, just enough to rut his leaking cock against the sheets. He makes a soft mewling sound at the feel of it, and Jason feels his own dick twitch in response. He lets Dick take a few minutes to just exist, to feel whatever it was he was feeling with all the eggs inside him, with his hard length rubbing against the bed.

  
“Alright I’m going to fuck you now.”  
  
The feeling is strange but not unpleasant. Most of the eggs inside of Dick have already begun melting from his bodyheat, so all Jason feels is a lot of goo, not unlike fucking into Dick when he’s already filled him with a load. The thought sends a pleasant warmth into the base of Jason’s spine and he grips Dick hard, fucking into him. Beneath him, Dick is shaking. He’s moved one of his hands around his cock, pumping himself furiously as Jason fucks into him. Jason picks up the pace, slams his full length into Dick’s body. Some of the lube and melted eggs slide out as he thrusts, dribbling down onto the bed. Dick still has his face pressed into the mattress and yelps and moans with every lewd squelch, every soaking wet slide of Jason’s cock inside him. Jason feels himself tense, feels the tight coil of his arousal start to unfurl. He pulls out suddenly, tugs at Dick’s body to flip him onto his back. Dick flops over awkwardly, legs akimbo.

  
“Baby…. Dickiebird… fuck.” Jason pulls Dick against him, slides right back home, burying himself to the hilt.

  
  
Dick stares up at Jason with eyes glassy and unfocused, his tongue lolling from his mouth. He has a deep red flush from his cheeks down all the way across his chest. He hiccups a bit with every thrust, and Jason can tell he is fucking shitfaced.

  
“You with me baby?” Jason asks again.

  
“Mmmm yeah fuck Jason, fuck me fuck me fuckkkkkmmme.”

  
“You got it.” Jason fucks into Dick so hard he feels dizzy with it, scoops up his legs to wrap around his waist and just slams him as hard as he can, hard enough he knows the smack of his hipbones will leave bruises. He snaps his hips, lets one hand drop to curl around Dick’s rock hard length. Jason fists his cock, his wrist moving as fast as his hips and for it Dick moans louder than Jason thinks he’s ever heard him, really more a scream loud. Like call-the-cops loud. “You love this. You love being so full, don’t you? Drunk little whore.” Jason slides his thumb across Dick’s cockhead, teasing his slit just a bit with his nail.

  
Dick’s eyes shut and his mouth forms a tight o, brows knit together as he comes, shouting. He shoots thick ropes of come across his belly, all the way up across his chest, hits himself in the goddamn chin. Jason has never seen Dick come this hard, never seen him this lost in it. Dick is arching off the bed, howling.

  
Jason feels hot, feels sweat drip down his spine and along his jaw. His head swims and he has a dim memory of chugging a hell of a lot of that bottle of vodka. Dick’s body clenches around Jason so tightly he all but doubles over, can barely force his cock all the way in. He only gets a few more pumps inside before he too is coming, filling up Dick with his release. Jason can feel some of it slide out around Dick’s rim as he fucks into the obscenely wet and full body beneath him. The edges of the room grow hazy as he spills himself into Dick, a soft, delicious curtain falling over everything before fading to black.  
  
\--  
Jason wakes up feeling like he drank half a bar. He shakes his head like a dog, trying to free the last cobwebs of sleep from his mind. The crude bludgeon of a hangover beats at his temples. His mouth is dry, and his head is throbbing, and he feels like there’s a dead weight on his chest.

  
There kind of is.

  
Dick Grayson is stretched across Jason’s body, laying diagonally across the bed. His back is on Jason’s chest and his feet hang off the side of the bed. He’s snoring loudly, one arm tossed across his eyes in a meek attempt to block the meager stream of sunlight that creeps into the room around the edges of Dick’s blackout curtains. Jason has no idea what time it is only that he has to go to the bathroom with an urgency that forces him to shove Dick off of him. The other man merely rolls onto the bed, face down into the mattress, and continues to snore.

  
Once in the bathroom, after finishing his business, Jason takes stock of himself in the mirror. He looks about as good as he feels. Hungover and well-fucked. There’s a dark ring of a bruise at his throat where Dick must have bitten him and, oh joy, a huge line of more down his chest culminating in an angry bite around his left nipple. Complete with teeth marks. Jason has no memory of this.  
He shambles back into the bedroom and finds Dick sitting upright in bed, looking pale and a little green, leaning against the headboard in a way that screams sickly Victorian orphan.

  
“Did I die?” Dick’s voice sounds like gravel, like he had a cock down his throat for a couple of hours. And who knows, maybe he did. Jason can’t remember anything past coming in Dick after they—oh boy.

  
“Baby I think we had a little too much fun last night.” Jason slides back in the bed beside Dick and lays his head against his chest. He hums as he feels Dick threading his fingers through his sweaty hair.

  
“ _Can_ I die? Please?”

  
“Not today Dickie.”

  
“Part of me wants to thank you for indulging me.” Dick coughs a moment, fading into a low groan. “Part of me wants to punch you for being an enabler.”

  
“You can thank me by getting me a glass of water. And some aspirin.”

  
“Alright, but you have to order us some breakfast. Maybe from that diner you like.”

  
“Fine fine, what do you want? You want some eggs?” Jason smirks. 

  
Dick pushes Jason off of him and looks down at him with red-rimmed eyes. He doesn’t answer, just picks up a pillow and slowly lowers it over Jason’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> The toy they use is called G'Lorp by Primal Hardware. Please do not recreate this fic at home, or if you do, I beg you to make the eggs using only body-safe pure gelatin and a low-proof vodka, not a flavored jello mix. Please do not die or give yrself an infection on my account. I am but a humble smut peddler. I am not responsible for yr safety.
> 
> I make no apologies for this fic. If you read this whole thing I love you.


End file.
